Respite for the Remnant

Encouragement in such a time as this

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  • Poem: When the Door Closes

    “…for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” (Hebrews 13:5, KJV)

    When the Door Closes

    Some say the door

    On which Jesus knocks

    Is the entrance

    We first bid Him come in

    To show us

    The Way, Truth, and Life.

    Others say it opens

    Seventy times seven, when

    We pray, knees bent, “Jesus,

    Show us again,”

    After we have left Him there,

    Lost our own way for a while

    In some fog of sorrow or sin

    Or along a dimming path of

    Some self-proclaimed sage or other.

    We turn again to the

    Carpenter of carpenters

    Through Whom

    The door, cross-timbered,

    Was crafted and

    Who alone

    Can bring us back to first love.

    Just now, though, to sit with Him awhile,

    Our heart to settle,

    Mind to calm; eyes to clear

    –to let the dead bury the dead–

    And so that we might once again see,

    In our small room,

    A big eternity

    Where we are not alone

    For He has reserved seven thousand more…

  • A Poem Before the Apocalypse

    But Jesus, said unto them, “A prophet is not without honour, but in his own country, and among his own kin, and in his own house.” (Mark 6:4, KJV)

    What kind of gloomy muse

    Would animate

    Such poetry

    When life goes on

    As it seems it always has?

    But has it?

    And who are these

    Literary portenders of doom

    Who bother so much about

    A black swan

    Suddenly

    In the middle of a parade

    Beneath a pale sun

    Hung above a striped sky?

    What might they already know of

    Two-thousand-year-old prophecies

    Concerning civilizations in decay,

    The news of modern parallels

    Showing up with increasing frequency

    In today’s headlines

    For those with eyes to see?

    Is it the sounds of war here and afar

    Grinding closer and more demanding

    That inspire such warnings?

    Certainly, these are not

    The sensible poets who  

    Grace the insides of

    Flowery greeting cards with their

    Lovely words

    Stacked on the rounder at the A&P

    Next to the cupcakes

    With sprinkles

    In ordinary time.

    But poets who scratch hasty verse

    On available scraps

    With trembling hands

    To then hide in some muddy hole

    Or crack in an attic wall, safe,

    They pray,

    As future testimonies

    To jackboots, hate,

    And culture vultures.

    Poems we never want

    To read, write, or

    Remember

    Yet

    But the kind we must

    Now.

    For the ragged words repeat

    That the good guys

    Don’t always win

    But all write  

    Their own history.

    And we curate them only

    In gentler times when

    Such witnesses

    To mankind’s wickedness

    Are unearthed

    By archeologists

    And truth-seekers

    Lest we think

    All this

    Won’t happen again

    To us

    In such a time as this.

    Those with ears to hear

    Pack their spiritual bags,

    Warn,

    Occupy where they may.

  • Poetry: Before the Weaning

    Introduction

    “My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother” (Proverbs 1:8, KJV).

    What prompts the poem below are two sayings: “’Tis education forms the common mind, just as the twig is bent the tree’s inclined’ (Alexander Pope), and “Give me the child until he is seven and I will give you the man” (Jesuit maxim).

    And, I confess, from my human nature side, there is another prompt due to comments snaking the ‘Net not appropriate to include here, from an alleged Christian pastor who often describes a woman according to the sum of her reproductive parts in perhaps the most vile, insulting, nearly-obscene non-Christian manner possible (IMHO). I offer no citation lest he gets any more exposure, as it were, that the world doesn’t need, both inside and outside the Church. But somehow he has a big following and you know who I mean if you have been, ah, exposed. My personal advice would be to run.

    But back to the poem itself.

    Although great male thinkers like Pope and the Jesuits might believe their methods are sure-fire, and the “pastor” believes we need to heed his gross opinions on women, consider: God got there first, you might say, when He designed a woman’s place in the grand scheme, when He designed her—and all her parts–in His perfect plan.

    In the context of this poem, consider a woman’s role as mother of sons, specifically, before the weaning years in God’s fulness of time and perspective, whether three months like Jochebed, mother of Moses, or, in another sense, thirty years like Mary, mother of Jesus.

    A far more potent period of growth than what man can devise (revise, or despise) for his own schemes.

    And with all due respect, (and not a little irony) may I offer one more perspective regarding those who forbid women to teach men (the age of boys-to-men varying per group, as it seems, and even aside from what we know about the importance of early learning): a lot of powerful seed gets planted in the formative years.

    Before the Weaning

    Mothers, there will be

    A lifetime later

    For your sons to learn

    The disciplines of

    Slaying dragons,

    Conquering crowns,

    Protecting and providing

    To the death—

    Loving as Christ–

    A father’s place.

    You, however, mothers, are designed

    For seasons from long before,

    From the first months

    You swaddle his form

    In the warm, soft shelter of your womb,

    Providing food and first impressions,

    As flesh and blood are knit together there

    By the hand of God.

    And once your sons enter

    The world of the air

    You help them take not only first literal steps

    But also spiritual.

    For to you are also assigned the early lessons

    Not only in little feet padding from here to there

    But also, later on, in scaling an enemy’s walls

    By self-control,

    Breaking bones

    With soft answers, and

    Understanding that sometimes

    We must wait forty months or years

    In a desert

    To acquire a skill or

    To enter into God’s promises.

    Mothers, you have been given

    This precious time

    To teach your sons  

    The ways of both cunning serpents and

    Harmless doves, that

    Sometimes, a man’s brawn

    Notwithstanding,

    It is the strength of a soft answer

    That turns away wrath.

    You, mothers, have been entrusted

    To teach and preach to your sons

    In the earliest years

    The first lessons in

    The way, truth, and life

    In such a time as yours

    In such a way as yours.

    You are assigned

    To teach them the foundations

    To build upon at the city gates and

    To guide them elsewhere,

    As God leads,

    As you show and tell them

    How to listen

    For trumpet sounds

    And the still small     

    Voice of God.

    For it is on your knee they begin

    The journey to the cross.

    In this way, too,

    You are God’s helpers, meet,

    In His plan.

    Conclusion

    “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6, KJV).

  • Martha At the Women’s Bible Study

    So what am I doing

    In the kitchen

    If Mary has chosen better?

    Who else will knead the loaf

    Arrange the olives and dates

    Count and place

    The cups and plates

    For the crowd at the door?

    Yet He says she’s

    Chosen better

    To sit, to hear.

    Then I, lesser?

    He doesn’t say.

    But He will surely

    Bless and eat the meal…

    Maybe hers IS the better.

    I see it on her face

    Tilt up to His,

    The world and men stilled,

    While my hands are rough

    And swollen

    Frustration and duty

    Inflame my bones,

    Harden my heart.

    But what if I

    Lay down

    The knife and spoon?

    Douse the flame?

    What if she

    Unencumbers me

    And comes to aid?

    Will He

    Bless both?

    Let my spirit rise 

    My body, rest, too?

    Can He raise the bread–

    And raise the dead?

    Do they not both serve

    Who listen and knead

    Learning at His feet

    And preparing His meal?

    Selah

  • Jesus’ Shorts 1, “It is Finished”

    Introduction to the series.

    After years of unpacking the religious system into which I was born and that I exchanged fifty-three years ago for the simplicity and profundity of God’s final Words on the unvarnished Gospel, I have only three words, now, to offer other searchers who dare to (long to, gather enough courage to, overcome enough fear to) ask: “Why did you leave?”

    I understand each response.

    I empathize.

    This entry comprises my first “short” after the introduction.

    “It is finished,”  

    …Jesus said

    Among His last words

    (Lest any think He lied)

    As He bled empty,

    Battered body

    On battered cross.

    Our cross.

    Just three words

    Split time

    And Testaments of grace:

    He Who made time

    And became grace

    In flesh and blood

    To end our work

    Once and done.

    But men and women

    Still sell trinkets and idols,

    Indulgences and

    Prayers for the dead

    Ensnaring more inside

    By any means possible

    New prophets

    Add and subtract doctrines

    Move them around

    Like pieces on a chess board

    To see how many more

    Wary, weary, and wanderlost

    They can gather to their side,

    To the polish and shine

    Pomp and circumstance

    Wealth and wonder

    (The better to persuade them by).

    While Jesus

    Still knocks at the door

    Each may open

    To know the Way

    Sup with Truth and

    Choose Life.

    Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me (John 14:6, KJV).

    Should you be interested, linked here are over forty, lengthy, footnoted, annotated, curated posts on my journey out of Roman Catholicism: Out of the Fire: On Leaving Roman Catholicism | pnissila

    Everyone, they say, has story to tell, perhaps even one that might encourage and help others. I have two of them. My fifty-three-year faith journey to and through the Cross of Christ is the lengthiest and most profound—and the most freeing.

    Cheers and blessings,

    Phyllis Beveridge Nissila

  • On Jesus’ “Shorts” Series: Introduction

    In this busy, frenzied era where of necessity or grooming (or both) information is shortened for shortened attention spans—or simply due to the limited amount of time we take–or even have–to grasp or communicate messages (seven words to make a sale; “FIRE!” to clear the room), I am reminded of Jesus’ one-liners, you might put it. In today’s tech lingo, they might be called, “Jesus’ Shorts”.

    Of course, Jesus was/is never limited to forty-four characters only, drive-by memes, or any other truncated form of communication, and yet, there amid the innumerable “red words,” i.e., His teachings, preachings, exhortations, comforts, etc., in the Bible, there are also very short messages that He understood were exactly what was needed just then. And, I believe, needed now, too.

    That said, He wasn’t communicating solo.

    “I do,” He explained, “what I see the Father doing” (John 5:19). He was not a spiritual Lone Ranger. His words, actions, events—all prophesied—were vetted elsewhere in Scriptures, both pre, mid, and post His earthly ministry 2000 years ago.

    Not only the Father concurred, but also the Holy Spirit (John 14:16), Whom Jesus requisitioned for us on His return to heaven.

    In short, All agree as One (1 John, 5:7. )

    You might say, it’s a “three-for-one” deal.

    NOTE FOR ENTIRE SERIES: For related longer versions of a topic or commentary, I will reference or link to one or more sites, my own or others’…

    As a writer, you would imagine it will be hard for me to keep my own messages short for your busy days!

    You would be right.

    But I will try.

    I promise.

    Stay tuned for “short #1”: “It is finished”. As you could also imagine, this is one of my favorites—especially having come through the most populous, oldest, and wealthiest religious system ever designed by mankind—with truth sprinkled here and there in order to calm the curious, dedicated, sincere, “Berean mind”.

    If that were possible.

    Cheers and blessings,

    Phyllis

  • A Little Musical Respite From Back in the Jesus Movement Day

    I’m that old to have been writing music and strumming a guitar back in the Jesus Movement days. Today’s “musical respite” for you, dear reader, is from my “archive” resurrected from a fragile beat-up cassette tape with the help of my daughter Jenni and son-in law Gary who are eons more knowledgeable about technical thingies than I am.

    With a little AI enhancement this tune never sounded so good–nor did I in reality–back in the day nor do I today, except for the styling vibe. My guitar, however, was–and is–a little dinged up but it still puts out the chords.

    NOTE: when you sit back for a listen, I hope, in some quiet corner, keep in mind that the “singer” here is Jesus, the “you,” is, well, you peering at this screen, because sometimes Jesus gets this personal–even smack dab in the middle of some fray or other, often multiple, frays.

    May I invite you to pause a little in your busy life and savor.

    Verse inspirations, so to speak, are listed below.

    https://suno.com/s/XdFiz7Mmt5ADI0wc

    Phyllis Beverige Nissila

    …..

    Scriptures, etc., related to “You Belong to Me Now”

    Psalm 94:19–“In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul.”

    Deuteronomy 31:6–Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

    Isaiah 41:10–Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

    Matthew 11:28–Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

    John 14:27–Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

    Further reading: .What does it mean that eyes have not seen what God has planned for those who love Him (1 Corinthians 2:9)? | GotQuestions.org

    .

  • Poetry: In Such as Time as This (and a gentle reminder in a harsh world)

    “For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse” (Romans 1:20 NIV)

    In such a time as this

    When truth is often excised

    From revelation

    By the tongues–

    Sharp as scalpels

    Slick as blood–

    Of unholy dividers,

    Pretenders

    In the dark

    Of the dark.

    In the days of poetry

    Upon us now

    Revealing

    God’s light

    For us. Now

    There are still

    Words shouting

    The Good News

    Abroad for more

    To come and see

    Emblazoned

    For the few who find

    The narrow path, bright,

    Sparked to sight

    By the Way,

    Truth and Life

    In the days

    Of poetry…

    Closing

    Soon.

    For those still occupying in such a time as this who know the clarifying, guiding, and calming light of Christ, here is a gentle reminder for us of those yet to hear from us—we, the poets, musicians, artists, scientists, teachers, students, farmers, tradespeople, grandparents, neighbors, associates, children…in the Gospel language we speak to those who will yet hear, who are still without the light of the Holy Spirit and the comfort of Christ amid the cacophony of chaos in such a time…

    Consider:

    Bing Videos People Need The Lord – Steve Green [With Lyrics].

  • On the End Times “Harlot Church” Guest Video Teaching by Roberta Morrison

    Update: I have not disappeared! I just yesterday concluded a year and a half of an intense education ministry, and I have a calendar at the moment, literally, ramping up in writing, music, and other service opportunities.

    The following video seems of the utmost priority this morning. The topic, generally speaking, is on what many believe is end-times church activity in the world just now. Specifically, as comprised of a conglomerate of non- and extra-biblical false teachings and doctrines made up of various and sundry false “churches” that have a little bit of truth, of course, to manipulate those yet unaware of it so as to plant the seeds, practices, “new apostles” and “new prophets” of this new entity. Should you want a deep dive of over forty posts from my investigative journalist’s research, that includes many other warnings and exposés, see my other blog: NEW APOSTOLIC REFORMATION Table of Contents Page | pnissila There are many more investigative reports, studies, and theological analyses out there (I am not a theologian) proliferating across Churchdom since I concluded that report requested by the leadership of my former church over two years ago. These are beloved people in my life, many, still, but to the conclusion of my project for them (which took about a year) they are/(or hopefully were, by now) aligned with some of the more serious teachings and practice of this new conglomerate entity. At the conclusion of the meetings with the pastor and assistant pastor, ordered in, as far as was possible, a biblical manner, it was respectfully suggested I find a new pastor and a new church.

    Today’s post is both timely and urgent, in my view.

    Consider and pray.

    Mark and avoid where you may…need to.

    Stay in the Word of God.

    (2) 06-11-2026 The Rise Of The Harlot Church – YouTube

  • Is It “The Silent Treatment” or Emotional Survival? Part 1

    From the archives at https://pnissila.wordpress.com/category/is-it-the-silent-treatment-or-emotional-survival/

    Click here for all 6 posts in this series from 2013-2017.

    Update, May 2026

    The destructive nature of verbal abuse, specifically covered in this series, and how to deal with it has been expanding both in the Church and in the world since I began this series on 2013 on my other blog. Verbal abuse is, of course, an age-old problem going by other names such as “bossy,” “picky,” “controlling,” “domineering,” and in contemporary society, “mean (girls/boys/women/men…)”, but “abusive”, in my view and investigation, is the more appropriate over-arching theme when self-control and empathy are lacking in human interactions.

    NOTE: I am not a counselor or therapist; I am an investigative journalist, thus numerous footnotes and links to professional resources are provided throughout the series. Some links may no longer be available in 2026.

    NOTE: this topic does not include the normal highs and lows, ebbs and flows, of relationships, where prayer, counsel, clarification, negotiation, and reconciliation contribute to resolving issues. This topic refers to words used as weapons of dismissal, dehumanization, and destruction. Only God knows the intent of the perpetrators, but people see and experience the fallout daily. And in certain cases it becomes necessary to remove oneself from the toxicity and/or escalating danger of a verbally abusive individual or institution.

    And, generally speaking in such a time as this considered by many prophecy experts to be the “end times” (see here for links to Questions about the End Times (All) | GotQuestions.org), “cold hearts” and lawlessness are certainly becoming more and more apparent in the world at large.

    Consider also: the destruction of relationships, personal or institutional, often begins with words.

    Beloved Remnant: may I encourage you to be on guard and remain in the love of God and the wisdom of the Holy Spirit in these increasingly trying times. Nobody is immune to all brands of our “real enemy’s” attacks, but God is always a present help in times of trouble, whatever it might be. As put in Psalm 46:1, NASB 1995:

    A Psalm of the sons of Korah, set to Alamoth. A Song. God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.

    Sing it out, brothers and sisters…

    ____________________

    Part 1, originally posted on June 5, 2013

    Click here for all posts in this series.

    Some time ago, a friend of mine left a verbally abusive marriage. She knows I sometimes write on women’s issues, although my commentaries are church focused. But because verbal abuse occurs in all facets of life, she thought her observations, shared below, might be of some help to some of my readers. Her original title appears with it. With permission, I have edited it in places for continuity, added a note or two, and listed recommended resources for victims of verbal abuse. I believe what she has to say is important.

    THERE COMES A POINT: WHY VICTIMS OF VERBAL ABUSE EVENTUALLY BECOME SILENT, NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH  “The Silent Treatment.”

    I often read that “the silent treatment,” i.e., refusing to respond to a partner, is always abusive, and I believe there is another “silence” that might be confused with this. The “other silence” is the third reaction that, in my opinion, should be included in the classic “fight or flight” responses to threats. It is the survival response called “freeze” [update 2026: a 4th reaction called “fawning” is now recognized. See What Is the Fawning Trauma Response? | Psychology Today].

    In a relationship in which the verbal abuser occasionally or even often exhibits one or more of the following behaviors—criticizes, orders around, “corrects” (no matter the subtlety, the artificial smile, or the tone of feigned concern), puts-down, mocks, undermines, accuses, rages, baits arguments, twists words and changes subjects when confronted by his partner for all or any of the above—there comes a point in the relationship that the abused partner “freezes,” as it were, out of self-protection.

    There comes a point, after the heartbreak, the tears, the prayers, the explanations, the fear, the self-doubt, the second-guessing, the feelings of betrayal, confusion, anger, failure; after the research, the counseling, the changing of her appearance, attitude, clothes, hair… there comes a time the victim realizes: This Will Not Stop. No matter, it seems, what she does, or stops doing. (And the trouble is she knows she isn’t perfect, and she is reminded of her flaws, so guilt goads her as well.)

    If her sense of self-efficacy hasn’t already been completely destroyed by the thousand little emotional hits of verbal abuse, there comes a point when she is faced with a decision. There comes a point she knows it has to end, but she may feel for the sake of others—the children, the family, the church, God, even him whom she may still love—she can’t leave, or can’t leave yet. (Many people on the outside cannot understand this, by the way, because they have no emotional connection to the abuser, they may know him only as a nice guy, and/or because they believe they would never let themselves be such a victim.)

    So she does whatever she can to avoid the hits. Contrary to popular opinion, words DO break bones (just like sticks and stones), only “emotional bones,” if you will, and, just like a bone break affects other body systems, emotional hits affect other aspects of the self, too, unless something is done to fix the injury so the healing can begin. And so the victim realizes she needs to protect herself.

    She speaks less and more carefully (so as not to seem to bait an argument or incite a criticism, a sarcastic response, a contradiction, or a rage) thinking that where there is no fuel perhaps the fire will go out.

    In order to avoid criticisms, arguments, or put-downs, she remains neutral when it comes to daily choices: whether to stay in or go out, what to watch on television, whether or not to have people over, what to fix for dinner, how to arrange the furniture, and/or how to fix the yard. She remains neutral especially when she has her heart set on a certain thing or event so that the effort to get him to understand her point of view will cause less disappointment should he disregard her wishes or perhaps become angered. She learns to suppress her passion so that she will avoid a more painful response to the rejection that often comes unexpectedly. She participates carefully, more and  more on guard.

    She learns to not completely trust the good times, the occasional compliment, the way he might praise her in public, the gifts, the hugs and kisses, the greeting card sentiments—even the occasional apology– because the rug of emotional security is likely to be pulled out from underneath her at any time.

    She can never quite predict his subtle and/or blatant negative reactions although she has tried. At times, in moments of candor when she thinks she is safe from a put-down or criticism and shares something personal, she may soon realize she called it wrong. She may have even said to herself, “Now, why didn’t I see THAT one coming! I’ve certainly been HERE before!” And then she vows, again, to protect herself even more.

    In short, she becomes what he may at length even blame her for, and for which he may, in part, even leave her, or force her to leave him. “There’s no ‘there’ there,” he might put it, as he notes her growing loss of enthusiasm for things they once enjoyed more together. “She gives me the silent treatment!” he might complain. “She USED to be a lot more alive, a lot more fun.” He may even wonder if she no longer has passion for him. She may still have, but she has long since learned to be careful about expressing it, very careful, lest he criticize her mode of expression, or compare her however obliquely to someone else or to some “others” in general, or ignore her altogether. Or her passion may have been quickly replaced by fear, insecurity, intimidation, doubt, rage, and/or resentment, especially at first.

    And if she does express her feelings, again, about the reasons why his verbally abusive responses to her engender her “less than enthusiastic responses” to him, she needs to steel herself against the accusations “You’re just too sensitive,” or “It’s all about you.”

    There comes a point when this just has to end–if she can pull herself together to do something. Sadly, many can’t. The years of verbal abuse take their toll. Just as a broken bone affects other body systems, “freezing” to survive verbal abuse also affects other aspects of a person’s life. The erosion of her self-worth, self-value, and confidence in this, her primary and most vulnerable relationship, even begins to affect her initiative in other areas of her life.

    Her creativity elsewhere deteriorates as she spends so much mental and emotional effort and time trying to figure out, fix, and/or just survive the constant stress of her relationship with the verbal abuser. If she was raised, as many women have been and some still are, to always defer to the man, the “head of the household,” the “stronger,” “more rational” partner (editor’s note: or as some churches teach, the spiritually superior spouse), this exacerbates the pain and adds confusion. Many just give up and live out the relationship as best they can. But sadly, verbal abuse can also escalate to physical abuse.

    However, there are those who make the courageous choice of leaving no matter the cost. There is an old proverb: “Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife” (see Proverbs 17:1, Ed. ). Not only may the woman who leaves her verbal abuser suffer materially, she may also suffer the rejection of others because her abuser may present himself outside the relationship as a nice guy. She and perhaps the children may be the only ones who know the truth—or she may be his only victim.

    But if she comes to knowing it is the right time to leave, despite the emotional fallout, despite the loss of security, and/or despite the fear, she will at least be able to process it where she is free to express herself. And she will be able to get the help she needs while at the same time regaining her sense of worth and experiencing the return of her creativity and zest for life.

    It may be very hard for a woman to adjust to leaving even such a damaging relationship, especially after many years, but at least as the healing progresses it will be in a place of emotional safety and freedom.

    Thank you, my friend. I pray many will be helped and enlightened by your observations.

    _________________________________

    Recommended reading:

    Perhaps the most frequently referenced and quoted expert in the area of verbal abuse is Patricia Evans. Here are two of her books:

    The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond

    Victory over Verbal Abuse: A Healing Guide to Renewing Your Spirit and Reclaiming Your Life

    For the verbally abused woman/wife: Why Does He Do That? Lundy Bancroft (who also has a helpful website)

    Books and articles by my friend, Cindy Burrell, author and blogger—and survivor– can be found listed at Welcome | Hurtbylove Cindy provides a wealth of information for both women and men and includes one specifically to help inform church counselors.

    There are other books, articles, podcasts, etc., on this kind of insidious abuse–even since my last update in 2018, as well as numerous professional websites and blogs now available.

    Related

    Update on “Is it The Silent Treatment or Emotional Survival?”: Part 2 Another Good ResourceNovember 9, 2014In “abuse”

    Is It The Silent Treatment or Emotional Survival, Part 6: “Losin’ All Your Highs and Lows”October 14, 2017In “abuse”

    Is it The Silent Treatment or Emotional Survival? Part 4, Medium Chill and Gray RockJanuary 25, 2015In “abuse”

    This entry was posted in abuse, Christian Women Topics, Commentaries, IS IT THE SILENT TREATMENT OR EMOTIONAL SURVIVAL?, most recent posts, survival tools and tagged a different kind of “silent treatment” for survival, Abuse, AbusePsychological, difference between silent treatment and emotional survival, Mental Health, Physical abuse, results of verbal abuse, silencing the abuser, silent treatment or emotional survival?, Social rejection, surviving emotional abuse, surviving verbal abuse, The Silent Treatment or Emotional Survival?, Verbal abuse. Bookmark the permalink.

    11 Responses to Is It “The Silent Treatment” or Emotional Survival? Part 1

    1. Joni's avatarJoni says:

    December 26, 2018 at 9:18 pm

    This helps me. Everywhere else I’m reading as I look for help with my son tells me I’m abusive for deciding I’m no longer discussing things with him. I feel like he deliberately ruined Christmas day and now he’s begging me to discuss what he did (alternately begging and threatening me if I don’t discuss it but he doesn’t get the irony in threatening me). But discussing it won’t help, it never does. It just gives him a chance to attack. Opening myself up over and over to verbal abuse just perpetuates our problems and slowly eats away my soul. Silence helps stop the never-ending barrage. I don’t know if it’s a control thing or not but I’m too tired to continue talking. This is a sad Christmas.

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    1. pbn's avatarpbn says:

    December 29, 2018 at 3:36 pm

    Joni,

    Thank you for contacting me. I’m honored.

    Please do NOT stop researching this issue as you are on the right track. By what you tell me, I agree that your son is exhibiting abusive behaviors. You do not deserve this. And verbal and mental abuse over the long term, can be far more destructive than physical abuse.

    Please finish my series on this topic and link to the references I have compiled for you and other readers who need them. Believe me, there is a lot of help out there.

    I also encourage you to access whatever local resources you can, if you already haven’t. If you don’t know where to start locally, I suggest contacting a local women’s shelter. Perhaps your doctor can recommend a counselor other resource. Perhaps your church……..HOWEVER, be very careful, there. There are still many churches who blame the victim, particularly if she is a woman who is often told to submit more or what have you, and offer little comprehension of domestic abuse, whether by a spouse, child, parent, or other relative.

    Please feel free to respond at any time.

    I am so sorry you had a sad Christmas. Now, let me encourage you to have a better New Year by making a commitment to self care, education, and getting away from your abuser, however this may be possible for you. It can be done. It starts with exactly what you are doing: owning your grief and pain and reaching out for education and, now, other resources.

    You are in my prayers.
    Phyllis

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    1. Canuck57's avatarCanuck57 says:

    July 10, 2014 at 12:46 pm

    I do agree with you that there is s difference between “silences” here. However, I think they can be differentiated by “intent”. A PA will use “the silent treatment” as punishment, by not validating their victim. A person such as yourself is using silence as a defensive mechanism for self-preservation. Your intent seems to be that you are simply trying to avoid further verbal abuse, but you are not going out of your way to hurt your spouse. A PA will always go out of their way to hurt their victims…it’s the nature of the beast…they are always punishing people.

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    1. pbn's avatarpnissila says:

    July 10, 2014 at 5:58 pm

    Yes. Good comment. I agree. The conversation needs the delineation.

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    1. turkeyboneheaven's avatarturkeyboneheaven says:

    July 22, 2013 at 4:44 am

    I have to say I agree with the Silent Treatment becoming a way of survival for me today. Sometimes I find myself in situations where I would rather shut down then speak. Thank You much for sharing. 

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    1. pbn's avatarpnissila says:

    July 22, 2013 at 3:25 pm

    Thanks for the response. This post has had an unusual number of “hits” from around the world. As I further research the issue, I’ve also come to learn that for some people who are in relationships with more significantly verbally abusive people, it becomes a “damned if you do and damned if you don’t” situation. I believe in such cases the danger of the victim losing his/her core identity and sense of value is at high risk and he/she should leave. But, I’m not a professional counselor or therapist, just a researcher and an observer.
    Blessings,
    Phyllis

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    1. caringmyheart's avatarcaringmyheart says:

    June 21, 2013 at 5:04 pm

    Reblogged this on PTSD & Anxiety attacks (Sertalin, Zoloft) by caringmyheart and commented:
    Words do break bones. “You are too sensitive”, It’s all about you.”
    A blog that relates to my life completely and I hope we find a way to heal ourselves to fade off these scars in our memories.

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    1. pbn's avatarpnissila says:

    June 21, 2013 at 6:16 pm

    caringmyheart: thanks for re-posting my article and following. Your “name” points to a very important piece of the recovery from verbal abuse: caring for oneself. It seems to me that victims of verbal abuse and other forms of abuse are forced to spend nearly all their emotional and mental energy on avoiding the abusers’ put-downs or attacks or trying to figure out how they can “fix” the things their abusers’ criticize them for that they (the abused) neglect their own heart, their own physical health. This is not good. Keep up the good work.
    P.

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    1. Carl Gordon's avatarCarl Gordon says:

    June 6, 2013 at 4:49 pm

    I commend your friend for having the courage to articulate the insights she gained through her experiences. I believe many who feel trapped in similar situations will see themselves in there and will also muster courage to depart. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope.” (excerpt from the Biblical book of Jeremiah, chapter 29 verse 11 I believe when it’s time to leave God will help. Shalom.

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    1. pbn's avatarpnissila says:

    June 6, 2013 at 12:19 pm

    Sadly, many Christians are experiencing the same thing these days. We need to stay close to Him.
    Cheers,
    Phyllis

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    1. just1ofhis's avatarjust1ofhis says:

    June 6, 2013 at 11:12 am

    Thanks for sharing that! Reading it, I felt like I was walking through my very painful relationship with the physical (not the true) church. Fortunately, God has provided for a separation. He is so faithful! Father, forgive them, they know not…..